Another fantastic post from the author of Life In A Bind, and another I could have written myself! I am in the middle of literally begging my mother to go to therapy with me, because I can no longer bear the way our relationship is conducted. And yet, my mother is resisting in every way possible, which of course stirs up feelings similar to those mentioned in this post. And, of course, I am in the middle of a rupture with my analyst: I am supposed to strictly adhere to the relationship in the way she wants it, or I’m out, just like my mother. Thank you so much to the author for writing encouraging words at the end, that as much as we wish they were, our therapists are not our mothers, and because of that we have the opportunity for something different with them. We just can’t let the transference get the better of the relationship.
Part I – Estranged families
It is Mother’s Day in the UK on Sunday 6 March. I’m looking forward to celebrating it with my own children, but am aware of the desire to ignore and minimise it as much as possible, when it comes to my own mother. We have never celebrated it in a major way – and for years I sent a card but nothing else. As with so much when it comes to my relationship with my mother, I was worried about expectations and the possibility of ‘give an inch, take a mile’. Should she, did she, expect a present? And if I gave her one, one year, would she expect one the next? And if she did, was that a problem?
The problem is that my desire to give, is absent. Over the last few years I have started sending her flowers on Mother’s Day, but…
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